AM I BEING TOO SELFISH FOR DEMANDING MY HUSBAND USE CONDOMS AFTER CHILDBIRTH?

Sisters, I’m really confused and need advice. I don’t know if I’m a bad person for standing firm on my boundaries, or if I’m being too selfish like my husband says…

I just went through an extremely difficult pregnancy. Those 9 months were like hell, honestly. Severe morning sickness for the first 6 months, to the point where I was hospitalized twice for IV fluids. Then came gestational diabetes, swelling, back pain that made sleep impossible, and prenatal depression too. I even had to quit my job 3 months early because I couldn’t continue working in that condition.

My delivery lasted 22 hours, ending in an emergency C-section because the baby’s heart rate dropped. After birth, I had a third-degree tear requiring many stitches, the pain was indescribable. Then my milk supply was low, the baby cried constantly through the night, and I was completely exhausted.

Now my baby is 4 months old. I just had my postpartum checkup, and the doctor said I’m cleared for sexual activity again. Before giving birth, I clearly told my husband that I DO NOT WANT TO USE BIRTH CONTROL for at least a year after delivery. You know how hormonal birth control after childbirth can further disrupt already unstable hormones, and I didn’t want any additional stress. Plus, I fear getting pregnant too soon – my body hasn’t fully recovered yet.

I discussed this with my husband on three separate occasions, making it clear that if we were to have sex, he would need to use condoms. At the time, he neither agreed nor disagreed – he just listened silently, and eventually went out and bought condoms.

After the first few times we had sex, he started complaining that he doesn’t like using condoms and never wanted to use them in the first place. He admitted he stayed quiet because I seemed determined. Since then, he’s suggested several times that we could use the pull-out method (something we’ve never done before – previously we either used birth control or were trying for a baby).

I told him I’m not comfortable with that method. There’s still a risk of pregnancy, and I can’t accept that risk right now.

What stresses me out even more is that although my husband works very hard, I’m financially responsible for most of our household expenses. I pay the rent, utilities, health insurance, and most of the baby expenses. He pays for groceries and gas. If there was an unplanned pregnancy, the consequences would fall heavily on me – and I think I have the right to prioritize my health and stability.

Now my husband thinks I’m being selfish. He says that because we’re married, there shouldn’t be “restrictions” like this in our sex life and if I got pregnant, we would “adjust accordingly.” I told him this is a boundary I’m not willing to compromise on.

Since then, he’s been furious – giving me the silent treatment and acting like this disagreement will cause major strain in our marriage. He even told me: “You don’t trust me. Married couples who love each other don’t need condoms. You’re treating me like I’m a stranger.”

Last night, while I was breastfeeding, he said, “Look, the baby is only 4 months old and has already taken all your time and energy. I can’t even remember the last time you paid attention to me. And now you’re putting conditions on our intimacy. Do you still consider me your husband?”

I burst into tears and told him I just need more time to recover, and this is only temporary. But he shook his head and said, “Temporary? It’s a whole year. You’re not thinking about my feelings at all.”

This morning, my sister called me saying that my husband had texted my brother-in-law complaining about this issue. I’m really embarrassed and hurt that he’s sharing such private matters with others.

Sisters, am I wrong for standing firm on this boundary? Should I give in and accept the risk to keep peace in our family? Or should I stand my ground? I really don’t know what to do…