AITA for refusing to pay for my daughter to study abroad again after her first attempt fell apart?
My daughter is 21. Last year, she got a partial scholarship to study electrical engineering at a university in the United States. I paid for the rest of her tuition and living expenses. I was reluctant at first. There are hardly any decent-paying jobs in that field here in Pakistan, and I didn’t think it made financial sense unless she was serious about staying abroad and building a career there. She insisted that was her plan, so I agreed.
After less than a year, her student visa was cancelled. She had to come back to Pakistan. She gave me a vague explanation about something going wrong with her paperwork, but honestly, I think she did something careless and is just not admitting it. She’s not exactly irresponsible, but she can be dismissive of rules and overly confident in her ability to talk her way through things. I have my doubts that she was completely honest about what happened.
Now she wants to apply to universities again, this time in Canada or the UK. She says she just needs me to help with the finances for the first year and that she will sort the rest out on her own. She keeps repeating that she has no future here and that the country is becoming more regressive, especially for women. To be fair, I don’t entirely disagree with her. But I live here and run a successful business. I studied in the UK myself and spent years there, so I understand where she is coming from. Still, I chose to return and make a life here. She seems desperate to leave and wants me to keep footing the bill for her escape.
This has caused a lot of tension between us. She thinks I don’t believe in her. I think she let me down by wasting the opportunity I already gave her. She’s angry that I am hesitating even though I can afford it. I’m frustrated that she does not acknowledge her role in how things turned out. There’s a growing resentment building between us. She says I’m being controlling. I say she’s being reckless. We barely talk now without arguing.
Part of me feels guilty. I gave my son the chance to study abroad too. He went to Australia for a business degree and came back without any problems. But he followed through on his plans. My daughter didn’t.
So now I’m stuck. I can pay for another shot, but I’m not sure I should. Would I be the arsehole for saying no?