AM I THE BAD GUY FOR TELLING MY WIFE THAT WORKING SO MUCH IS NECESSARY RIGHT NOW?

Hello everyone in the Modern Men’s Club. I really need advice because my family situation is getting too tense. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, but I’m truly trying my best…

My wife and I have been together since high school, weathering life’s ups and downs, and have been married for a few years now. We met in 11th grade, held hands through the challenges of youth, both worked hard to get into college, and continued supporting each other throughout our 4 years of university. Our love survived even the distance when she studied in Central Vietnam while I was in the South.

After we both graduated from college, I went straight to work to gain experience and financial stability. My wife had to take a year off because her family faced serious problems. Her mother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer and needed care. Being the only daughter in the family, my wife couldn’t not go home to take care of her mother. We both agreed it was the right decision – family comes first.

After her mother stabilized (fortunately she recovered), my wife decided to go back to school for her master’s degree. I fully support her – she’s extremely intelligent, and this degree will open many opportunities in her field. We agreed that she would focus entirely on her studies and not work during this time.

But as you all know, the economy has been really tough lately, especially in my industry. My company has shown signs of potential layoffs, so for the past few months, I’ve been taking on extra projects to make myself more valuable. It’s really a lot of work – long hours, frequently staying up late – but I’m trying to protect my job and position myself for a raise if the company still offers raises. I’m also just trying to make sure we have enough money to cover rent, food, and general living expenses, since I’m currently our only source of income.

Since my wife started her master’s program, my schedule has completely changed. I wake up at 5:30 AM, leave for work at 7 AM, and usually don’t get home until after 9 PM. Many days, I bring my laptop home and continue working until midnight. On weekends, I still often spend at least half of Saturday working. But thanks to this, I’ve kept my position at the company while many colleagues have had to leave, and I’ve even been recognized by my boss for my ability to work under pressure.

Last week, my wife said she needed to talk. She said she’s been feeling increasingly resentful because I work too much and she rarely sees me. She said she feels lonely and that it’s like I’m not even there anymore. She explained that there are days when I leave early in the morning, she studies at school until evening, and when she gets home, I’m still not back. When I do come home, I’m exhausted, quickly eat dinner, and then go back to work. On those rare weekends at home, I’m often answering emails or joining unexpected calls.

I understand how she feels – getting a master’s degree is stressful and lonely – but I pushed back and said that with our current situation, I don’t have many options. One of us needs to make money while the other is in school, and right now, that’s my responsibility. I told her it’s just temporary and things will get easier when she graduates and starts working.

That didn’t go well at all. She burst into tears and said it’s always going to be something – first college, then her family situation, now her master’s – and that I need to find a way to balance work and life or this won’t be sustainable for either of us. She said: “I don’t need a beautiful house or designer things, I just need you. I need my husband, who used to spend time with me, walk with me in the park, cook with me, watch movies with me on weekends.”

Since then, things have been very tense. We talk, but it’s very… cold. This morning as I was preparing to leave for work, she didn’t kiss me goodbye as usual. Instead, she just said “Take care” in a sad voice. I’m not trying to ignore or neglect her – I’m just trying to keep us financially stable.

I’ve tried explaining to her about the company situation, how my colleagues have been laid off, and how I’m trying to secure my position in the company. I told her I’m doing all this for our future. After she gets her master’s degree and finds a good job, we can start thinking about buying a house and having children. But she says she doesn’t want to live for the future anymore, she wants to live in the present.

I’m trying to find a solution. This week I’ve tried to come home a little earlier on two days, but that means I have to stay up later to finish my work. I feel like I’m caught between being a good husband and a responsible employee.

Part of me wonders if I’m sacrificing too much for work? Should I cut back on hours and accept the risk of being laid off? We have some savings, but not enough to sustain us for very long if I lose my job. And with the current economic situation, finding a new job could be very difficult.

What do you guys think? Am I a bad person for telling my wife that working too much is necessary right now? Or do I really need to find a better balance?